Friday, July 6, 2007

False Metal / Real Metal

I don't know if "false metal" is really a good category name for the following tattoos, but I couldn't think of anything better. These aren't the super awesomely terrible demon and monster tattoos that I posted earlier, they're the weird angsty tattoos that are both done badly and are bad ideas. It's a fine line.

Sad Goth Girl With Weird Stuff In Her Hair
(Really, what on earth was she thinking? Who is that hiding in the hair? And why?)

Demon Native American ?
I don't know what this is supposed to be, really, but the "smoke" is what gets me.

The Worst Dracula Ever
Also the cross should be upside down

Demon Hand with Bonus Teeth
This reeks of numetal so I'm putting it in this category, but it is undeniably tough. Look at those gums!

And here are some real metal tattoos:

Rat Grim Reaper

Female Swordmaster Batwinged Demon Something
This rules. Hands down. I think I am going to have to do a top-10 awful metal tattoo countdown in the future, and this might just be on it.

Skeleton Dragons?
These guys are badass. And bad. Really, really bad. The heads are your usual badly-done, badly-healed metal tattoos, but the middle part? A jumble of something hellish. This is next level awful.

Do It

This tattoo is bad in every way. I can't even write anything funny about it or pair it with other bad tattoos. It's in a league of it's own.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

Fantasy Back Pieces

This is perhaps the best post so far. I bring you a collection of amazing fantasy back pieces.

Here is a dragon, with what looks like a weird bloody/flaming tail tip, some huge balls, and strange blobs flying around him:

Okay, so this isn't strictly fantasy, but the winged horses make it fit into this category enough. There are also a bunch of angels, some weird tribal stuff, some praying hands, and a bad portrait way at the bottom. My favorite is the angel to the left with the ribs sticking out and the very awkward boobs.

Back to straight fantasy. This dude has some cool multicolored clouds, a skull moon, some kind of beast on a cliff, and I think there is a spiraling tower castle in there too, but I am not sure.

This guy has a moon and a cliff and a castle too. And a Pegasus and a dragon. What I don't understand is if you're going to get a straight-up fantasy piece, why go with an Asian dragon and not the Euro fantasy dragon?

And of course I saved the best for last. Again, there is a skull moon, and a cliff, and a castle (actually a couple), and some kind of horse (unicorn not Pegasus this time) but this guy has planets too! Planets in tattoo form are A++. He also has what looks like a wizard but he's cut off at the top of the photo and you can't see anything but a tip of beard. I wish we could see the whole thing.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Geeks and Nerds and Dorks, oh my!

The sad thing about most of the tattoos in this blog is that they could be so awesome if the tattooer and tattooee (is that even a word?!) just had a little more sense. Or skill. Or both. Nerd tattoos definitely fit into this category. I am all about awesome tributes to dorky things and there are so many amazing nerdy tattoos out there (see the last entry of "good as in bad" tattoos for proof). However, it's very easy to miss the mark. And unfortunately the following people missed it by a mile.

This tattoo comes with an explanation (because seriously, there is no way anyone would get it, even if they do recognize fractals). It looks like blobs from outer space that are bleeding out into the skin.
"This is a piece of the Mandelbrot Set, the most recognizable (and first?) fractal. It uses the quadratic recurrence equation: Zn+1 = ((Zn)(Zn))+C"

Here are a couple people who decided that, instead of illustrating their nerdiness by getting an awesome tattoo of something they really love, they would just get the word. Because tattoos of words always look cooler than pictures, right? Wrong. Especially when they're done this badly.

And finally, here are a couple tattoos that aren't done badly, and aren't even horrible ideas, they're just placed and sized horribly. Both of them would be pretty cool if they were smaller and on an arm or a leg, but taking up that much prime space with something so simple and blocky just makes me cringe.

Also, it was pointed out to me that having LVL UP and a half-full EXP bar makes zero sense. The bar should be totally full or totally empty.

And finally, here's one that I found that I actually like. I think it's a cute combination of traditional tattoo design and nerdy content.

Bad as in Good

After all this trash talking, I thought I'd give you guys a break and prove that tattoos can indeed be totally awesome and rad and amazing. Sometimes "bad" is slang for "good", so this category is "Bad as in Good" and is here to give your eyes a rest every once in a while.

Penguin looks like Penguin and not overly zombified. This is a hard line to walk, but they got it!

This tattoo blew my mind the first time I saw it. I want it. I am so jealous.

Alex Ross Superman. This is so amazing.

sdf,jhsdfkjhsdkfhskj this dude! It's so cool that I am speechless.

Kurt Halsey fan tattoos

I think Kurt Halsey's drawings are unbearably twee and obnoxious, but I can see the appeal among the young and twee crowd. I knew there were people out there with tattoos based on his drawings but I had no idea there were so many! I figured most of them would be innocent little birds like the following (which is so cute it makes me want to puke, but I can understand it) :

But noooo. A ton of people went next level and got the little drawings with the little sayings about puppy love. How many of these people got matching tattoos at age 18 with their first boyfriend or girlfriend? A lot, I bet (I know for a fact a lot of the following are matching tattoos, but the first love thing is just conjecture). And that is kind of sad, because although I am by no means old or bitter, I am old enough and bitter enough to know that matching cutesy Kurt Halsey tattoos are a terrible, horrible, awful idea, and will almost surely be regretted a few years down the line.

The following are so gross and cutesy I can't even comment on them individually. The first one isn't even that well tattooed, but the rest are technically fine. It's just th idea that is so bad. Keep in mind that this is a small sampling of the inordinate amount of Kurt Halsey tattoos that are out there.

Monday, July 2, 2007

Guitar Heroes

If I have to see another badly done flaming guitar tattoo in my google searches, I will shoot myself. I could have posted a billion of them, but I decided to give you guys the most creatively awful guitar tattoos instead.

Here is a skeleton playing guitar. I like the infected face, X's over the nipples, and dreadlocks.

This one isn't executed so badly. The idea could even have worked if the guy had decided on either tribal or "classic", but the font and the guitar and the tribal bits just don't work together at all.

Okay I really can't tell you why I am so annoyed about this Celtic knot guitar tattoo, but I am. Can someone back me up and agree that it's bad? It's not tattooed badly, and I guess the idea isn't even all that terrible either, it just bugs me for some reason.

Here is a NSFW guitar tattoo that almost falls into the so-terrible-and-metal-it-rules category:
click here to see the NSFW guitar

This wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the blank space around the signature that just makes the whole thing look messy and unfinished.

And finally, here's another amazing back piece for you guys. It comes with an explanation from the owner (all misspellings theirs):
"Tatoo includes rainbow with seasons, angel with cheerleading megaphone, guitar with wings, hard to tell with picture but also has seashells, sandles, celtc cross, trumpet with halo, birthday cake with lit candles, snow flakes, fireworks, and thanksgiving scene plus other seasons!"


Good morning, readers!
This weekend I saw an amazingly terrible tattoo that I just have to tell you about. I didn't have a camera on me so I couldn't take a picture, but I wish I had. I couldn't decipher the whole thing, but it was a line of text running all the way across a woman's back, and it said:
(something) (something) BITCHEZ NIGGAZ (something) (something).
I wish I knew what the other four words were, but they were covered up by tank top straps and the tattoo was so badly done that the text wasn't clear at all.
Anyway, if anyone in NYC has seen this tattoo before, or has any insight into what it might say, please let me know!

This morning's theme is ZOMBIES. Zombies are awesome and I love them, but rotting flesh could possibly be one of the hardest things to tattoo.
This one goes out to Joshua.

I know zombies are supposed to look wonky and ugly, but this one just looks bad. Especially the hair.

Guy getting grabbed by a zombie, everything looking totally out of whack

At first glance this doesn't look so terrible, but then look at the eyes and how off they are.

Dawn Of The Dead tattoo. Ugh.

Then, there are the Night Of The Living Dead tattoos. I could post waaaay more bad ones (and a couple good ones), but here are a few variations on the same theme.